Funny Poems

Here you'll find free funny poems on a variety of topics. Looking for clean funny stuff? These funny rhymes will make you laugh without cringing. Enjoy our wholesome funny poetry!

Teenage Princess

I know how it is to need money--
As much as I can get;
My teenager goes to the mall,
And I go into debt.

Most kids' first words are "Ma-ma,"
She said "Vi-sa" with a smile;
She has a black belt in shopping,
And a package from every aisle!

By Joanna Fuchs

These funny poems are perfect for funny e-cards or perhaps to accompany a gag gift. Clean humor is always welcome, and humorous rhyming poems are especially fun.

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Funny poems employ a variety of devices to produce humor. This funny poem utilizes a play on words.

How to Paint A Wall

While I went off to work one day,
She decided to paint the wall.
And when I came back home that night,
She was curled into a ball.

Her eyes were closed, she was breathing hard,
Her hair was very wet.
From her head to the tips of her pretty toes,
She was covered all in sweat.

She was wrapped in a jacket made of down,
With a fur coat on top of that.
The wall was glowing with new, fresh paint;
On the floor, the paint can sat.

"Sweetheart!" I cried, with a worried look,
"Are you all right, my dear?"
She lazily opened her lovely eyes,
And smiled from ear to ear.

"I knew I could do it," she said with a grin;
"I followed the paint can notes.
It clearly said 'For best results,
Be sure to put on two coats.'"

By Joanna Fuchs

Funny poetry can use parts of life to which many can relate. This humorous poem uses the humorous parts of aging.

Golf Chat

Three old men on the golf course,
(Each had trouble hearing well)
Were playing a round on a breezy day,
When one blew over and fell.

"Windy, isn't it?" said one of them,
While helping the other to rise.
"No, it's Thursday," said the second man.
And they walked off to exercise.

The third man had listened intently;
Now he chimed in, with good cheer;
As he followed the others, he called out,
"So am I. Let's have a beer!"

By Joanna Fuchs

Funny poems about kids come easily, because they do so many humorous things. This funny rhyme describes a mom trying to teach her son a lesson. She thinks she's won, but...

Wolves and Liars

My five year-old-son, he lies a lot,
And I wanted it to end,
So I told him about the boy who cried "wolf!"
Hoping he would comprehend.

"He kept crying 'wolf!' when there was no wolf,"
I told my son, whom I adore.
"When the wolf came to eat him, he called for help,
But no one listened anymore."

My son's eyes grew wide; It looked like he got it;
My heart was all aglow.
But he dashed my hopes when he nodded and said,
"I was eaten by a wolf once, you know."

By Joanna Fuchs

Funny poetry can be based on the idiosyncrasies of individuals. This amusing poem falls into that category.

Too Careful

I don't believe in taking excess risks,
But a person can be excessively careful, too.
A friend of mine checks every detail twice;
He's the most meticulous man I ever knew.

We went to the copy store the other day;
I thought we'd be a few minutes, and then be done.
But he counted all his copies several times,
And then proceeded to proofread every one!

By Joanna Fuchs

Funny poems can be reality based. This funny poem is based on a true story.

Seven Foot Lunch

Three genteel ladies went lunching
At a sophisticated hotel.
Their elevator door opened;
They gasped, and their faces fell.

A seven-foot man was inside,
With an intimidating expression.
They got in anyway;
They were the very souls of discretion.

"Sit!" the man yelled, and they sat,
In their luncheon finery,
They went up; then the door slid aside;
The man left, abashedly.

His dog had been behind him;
At lunch they got a note.
The basketball star paid their bill;
"My apologies, and my treat," he wrote.

By Joanna Fuchs

No collection of humorous poems would be complete without a limerick. So here it is.

The Experiment

A curious lad from Dover
Crossed poison ivy with a four-leaf clover.
This young man was struck
With a rash of good luck,
Before his experiment was over.

By Joanna Fuchs

Funny poetry can involve a dose of reality, as this funny rhyme does. Send this funny poem to all your plumber friends.

Thank God For Plumbers

Two old friends met on the street,
Hadn't talked in many a year;
"How's your family,?" asked this dear old friend,
"I'd really like to hear."

"George has a Master's in literature,"
The other said, with pride,
"And Mary's a grad in modern art,
Her career she has yet to decide."

"And How's Willy," the first friend kindly asked,
While the other displayed defeat;
"Oh, Willy's a plumber," she sighed, hanging her head,
"But without him, we'd be out on the street."

By Joanna Fuchs

We have three pages of funny poetry--this page of all-purpose funny verse and a separate page of funny poems for birthdays and another page of funny poems for Valentine's Day.

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Thanks for reading our funny poems! This funny poetry is free for use on personal greeting cards, provided that the author's name (Joanna Fuchs or Karl Fuchs) and our Web site address, www.poemsource.com, appear somewhere on the card. All other uses require written permission. See our Terms of Use for details.

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